A good friend of mine who has quite a few kafir friends(jews, christians as well as atheists etc.) recently mentioned to me that has been getting tired of all the “jokes” an d “humour” that they make around in him in regards to Islam. This leads me to mention the question: is it permissible to take jews and Christians and other kuffar as friends? Is it permissible to eat and drink with them casually without any benefit?
There is a common perception amongst some of the Muslims in Western nations that taking Jews and Christians as friends is permitted. Often bombarded by radical kaafir propaganda against the Qur’an, I often hear some Muslims try to defend such ayaat as
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تَتَّخِذُواْ الْيَهُودَ وَالنَّصَارَى أَوْلِيَا
“O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Auliya” [5:51]‘
By stating that the correct translation of auliya isn’t “friends” but rather “protectors”/ “Gaurdians” and the like.
However, if one takes a deeper look into such ayaat, ahadeeth regarding the subject, as well the linguistics behind them, one will note that most certainly the meaning of “friends” falls in the category of the prohibition.
Enmity and Hatred towards mushrikun is from the best example set forth by Ibrahim
Allah 
ta’ala says in Surah Al-Mumtahinah:
قَدْ كَانَتْ لَكُمْ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ فِي إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَالَّذِينَ مَعَهُ إِذْ قَالُوا لِقَوْمِهِمْ إِنَّا بُرَاء مِنكُمْ وَمِمَّا تَعْبُدُونَ مِن دُونِ اللَّهِ كَفَرْنَا بِكُمْ وَبَدَا بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَكُمُ الْعَدَاوَةُ وَالْبَغْضَاء أَبَداً حَتَّى تُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَحْدَهُ
Indeed there has been an excellent example for you in Ibrahim (Abraham) and those with him, when they said to their people: “Verily, we are free from you and whatever you worship besides Allah , we have rejected you, and there has started between us and you, hostility and hatred for ever, until you believe in Allah Alone,” [60:4]
From the excellent example sort forth by Ibrahim, and others of the prophets of Allah , according to this aayah, is their rejection of their people, and the enmity and hatred between them, until they believe in Allah alone. = Unless one implements this, he would not be following the excellent example of Ibrahim alayhe salam.
A person is on the religion of his khalil
الرجل على دين خليله فلينظر أحدكم من يخالل
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look to who he takes a close friend.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2378. This is a proof that its haraam to take kuffar as a close friend, and observe who he will take as a close friend.
Another hadeeth
لا تصاحب إلا مؤمنا ولا يأكل طعامك
إلا تقي
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You should not make friends with anyone but a believer and no one should eat your food but one who is pious.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4832. Here is proof that being a companion with a kaafir is haraam, for the meaning of “tusaahib” means to become a companion of.
The Meaning of Auliya Linguistically
Ibn Taymiyyah said in his book “Al-Furqaan bayn auliya ar-Rahman wa auliya ash-shayatan” mentioned in the meaning of walaya:
“And walaya: the opposite of enmity(3adawah), and the foundation of it is love and closeness, and the foundation of enmity(is) : hatred and distance ”
then he mentions:
“and the waliy(plural: auliya): the one who is close or near(al-qareeb)”
so the meaning of auliya are those that are close, near, and in which there is love between (them). Friends may be included in this definition.
Other Proof that “friends” may be included in the term auliya
196. Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Messenger of Allah , may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The first failing to enter the Children of Isra’il was that a man would meet another man and say, ‘O so and so! Fear Allah and stop what you are doing. It is not lawful for you,’ Then he would meet him again the following day and find him still doing the same thing but that would not prevent him from eating, drinking and sitting with him. When they did this, Allah caused the hearts of some of them to be tainted by others. Then He said, “Those among the Tribe of , you should command the right and forbid the wrong and you should restrain the unjust and bend them to the truth and confine them to the truth or Allah will cause the hearts of some of you to be tainted by others. And then He will curse you as He cursed them.’” (Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi]
These are the words in Abu Dawud, and the words in at-Tirmidhi are: “The Messenger of Allah , may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘When the Children of Israel fell into acts of disobedience, their men of knowledge forbade them, but they did not stop. Then they sat with them in their assemblies and ate and drank with them, so Allah caused the hearts of some of them to be tainted by others. Allah cursed them on the tongue of Da’ud and ‘Isa ibn Maryam. That was for their disobedience and overstepping the limits.” The Messenger of Allah , who had been reclining, sat up. Then he said, “No, by the One who has my soul in His hand, until they bend them to the truth completely!”
The Prophet sws mentions in this hadeeth that Allah cursed this particular group when they continued eating, drinking and sitting with those who continued upon their path of evil. Then he recited the aayah which includes the statement: “You see many of them taking the unbelievers as their auliya.” One could conclude that the prophet was implying that the eating, drinking, and sitting with the kuffar was a type of taking the kuffar as auliya, which is similar to friendship.
A truly excellent and comprehensive explanation of the subject is in volume 2 of Ma’ariful Qur’an by Maulana Mufti Muhammad Shafi Usmani, in the commentary of 3:28. The entire English translation of this excellent tafsir is available at http://www.islamibayanaat.com/EMQ.htm, and the specific pdf that you should read is http://www.islamibayanaat.com/MQ/English-MaarifulQuran-MuftiShafiUsmaniRA-Vol-2-IntroAndPage-0-60.pdf … go to page 54 of the book (i.e. the last five pages of the pdf file).
Jazaakum Allahu Khairan for the beneficial articles Sidi Abu Usaama and Mujahidi7ia.
I find this interpretation disgusting. So it is true that there are Muslims like you that promote hate and enmity.
Disgusted Muslim.
Go ahead call me Kafir too
Kamran, in all honesty i have heard non-muslims telling each other not to take certain individuals as friends because of certain habits such as taking drugs or excessive drinking.
What about a habit that is worse in the sight of Allah
that we Muslims have to stay clear of?: Shirk-billah. Don’t we have more right to show enmity and distance from these people because of their devotion of worship towards other than Allah 
?
It isn’t hate being promoted; it’s a sense of reality. Your friends usually reflect what kind of person you are. To protect ourselves is very important. It does not, however, mean that we don’t treat them with respect, and deal with them. We must be respectful, kind, curteous. Alhamdulillah,Islam teaches us a balance.
salamu alaykum,
But friendship with ahl al kitab can’t be haram in a absolute and totale sense, can it? Otherwise it would be hard to explain the permission for muslim males to marry christian or jewish females. Or is that simply an exception?
Firstly, we should make it perfectly clear that our disavowal of the pagan is regarding their beliefs.
Secondly, Allah
has stated in the Qur’an,
“Allah
forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah 
loveth those who are just.”
So we are to deal kindly and justly with mankind, as long as they are at peace with us. That does not mean that we do not hate their evil. I think the non-Muslim understanding of “hate” is different from that of the Muslim understanding. Hate does not drive a Muslim to kill, harm, or treat unjustly those we disagree with – unless they do so to us.
Rather, it is the dogmatic paganism that we hate, and disavow.
And we ask Allah
the exalted to guide us all aright. Amin!
Yes brother, i absolutely understand you and i agree with you.
But one can not deny that husband and wife [husband being muslim, wife being christian/jewish] are also in a very close relationship. So in marriage there is a exception, or did i miss something? Or is this even the reason why some [or all?] ulama declaired it makruh to marry ahl al kitab? If you could share your knowledge regarding this i would appreciate it.
And please excuse my poor english bro… :)
Bismillah.
Firstly, Your question inspired me to do some research regarding marrying the kitaabiyah. Read it here: http://seekingilm.com/archives/277
Secondly, it is not permitted to marry a muhaaribah kitaabiyyah, as stated by Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiya Allahu Anhu).
Thirdly, the verse 5:5 is a rukhsah (dispensation) to the generality of walaa’ and marriage etc.
Fourthly, the correct opinion is that it is makruh to marry the kitaabi, as stated by ‘Umar and others.
That is my stance.
-Abul Layth
Jazakallah Khayr brother Abu Layth
Can you please write an article on “loving the kuffar”
I am getting confused on this issue. How can a Muslim man marry a non Muslim woman and love her, yet he is not allowed to ‘love kuffar’?
Ahmad, we have explained that there are exceptions to this. Also there are two types of love: 1) natural love 2) love for Allah
’s sake.
I love my mother, she is christian. It is natural. If I have a wife who is christian, which is a bad idea, I could love her naturally as well. These are exceptions to the general rule.
So if you can have natural love for your wife, would that then mean that you should have some ‘divine’ hatred for her?
We have divine hatred for everyone’s evil deeds and divine love for everyone based upon their good deeds.
Just how it works bro.
Yah, but the Qur’an does not say that we hate their deeds only, but them as well.
Have the scholars talked about this natural love and divine love?
I read a fatwa from Sh bin Bayyah saying it was OK to have non-Muslim friends. Can you provide us with opinions of the scholars that contradict this? Is it wrong to invite a non-Muslim to one’s house to eat with them, to discuss things with them etc?
btw there is nothing ever wrong with the shari`a, I would always follow it insha Allah
- I only need to hear some scholars give an opinion akhi, then I will obey.
Assalamualikum to everyone,
dear bro OM, about dealing with kuffar or in fact with any person or group of people, there are three levels of interaction. The beginning one is mercy(rahma), next is seeking confidence/trust/protection from them (called bitanah), and final one is support/aggreement/assistance(mudhaharah/muwalat) of their way/cause/position/religion.
So not every acts/position of mercy/rahma is a bitanah, and not every bitanah is muwalaat, however note that, if the proper checks and limitations in relationships are not enforced, the early level of rahma progresses into bitanah overtime, and latter on continuous bitanah leads to muwalat and mudaharah.
Examples of rahma would be like accepting gifts, visiting a sick one, attending funerals, giving charity, lending neutral help, sending letters, keeping communication, general visitation, sitting with them, eating/drinking together, greeting, smiling, and neutral talk.
These are allowed with the kuffar who dont fight islam or muslims, or expell muslims from their homes etc. If these acts of rahma are done with muharib kuffars(those who fight muslims) without any motivation for da3wah, then it would not expell someone from the circle of islam, but it is a sign of the absence of eman (which is of a higher degree than islam)
Next, Example of bitanah would be when a kaffir would be trusted to the point where he is taken as a close aid, assigned to some important task related to the welfare of muslims, taken as a confident to whom secrets are revealed, as a leader/advisor/consultant/manager, as a person who is trusted with the muslim’s wealth, or when he is or they are taken as a protection for the muslims, when the latter is weak and the kuffar are stronger in comparision.
The bitanah is not allowed with neither a harbi nor a non harbi, but practicing it doesnot constitute kufr. However it is a dangerous step that would eventually lead to the muwalat of the kuffar, as through bitanah a person developes overtime good opinion of kuffar and for what they stand for..
The muwalat/mudahara is the situation when the kaffir’s religion is approved or supported, or their cause is aided. Like helping them in building churches, faciliating them in doing missionary works, aiding their armies and politicians.
severely warns.
It is this mudahara that is kufr, and exits the person out of the fold of islam, about which Allah
This is what i learnt from studying the verses of the Quran regarding this subject, the actions/sayings of the Prophet[saws]and his companions, and the statements of the muffasireen, and im not a scholar nor someone who is correct always.
I request all my dear brothers and sisters who are far better than me, and especially the knowledgeable ones of them, to please Correct me if i had uttered anything wrong or said something in conflict with the proper sunni understanding of the deen regarding this subject.
Jazakumullahu khayra
I do frequently ask advice from non-Muslims; I revise for exams with non-Muslims, I ask my non-Muslim teachers and professors how I can improve on a piece of work etc. In fact, my counsellor is a non-Muslim, and I tell them quite personal things. I talk to non-Muslims more than I talk to Muslims (just because there are more of them around me). Does all that constitute bitanah?